Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes and that way,
1- you are mile away from him and
2 – have his shoes too
When I say word “Ostrich”, what’s the first thought which comes to mind. “STUPID” Animal who buries his head in sand, the moment danger arrives. Isn’t it? (Raise hand and ask question to audience?)
What if I say, it just a myth. As per many animal expert, If Ostrich bury his head in sand then it won’t able to breath and die anyways. As per experts, Ostrich dig shallow holes in the ground to use as nests for their eggs. They use their beaks to turn their eggs several times each day, From a distance, an ostrich leaning into a hole to turn an egg could easily look like he is burying his head in the sand.
Right there, possibility of big argument. Arguments about facts are easy to resolve, thanks to google, facts are easy to find and settle the argument. But, People can argue about anything, anytime, small or large, does not matter. And BIGGEST reason behind most of the arguments is “deep desire to feel important”. “EVERYBODY WANTS TO FEEL IMPORTANT” .When anybody pick a side, they stick with it by arguing because abandoning that make them feel small, unimportant in their own eyes so they argue. They argue to feed their ego.
When arguments happens, 9 out of 10 times, at the end of argument, each side believes in their side of story more firmly than before. Both sides are feeding their ego. You must have heard “Agree to Disagree”, that’s 9 times out of 10.
Even when you win the argument, you may have proven the point but you lost the “good will” of a person. Goodwill is like most scarce resource in a world.
So best solution for argument, is to just avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes. Arguments take lot of your energy and time. And it won’t result in fruitful outcome anyways.
One of my professor told me this story about argument when he avoided the argument successfully and got better results. He rented a grand ballroom of a certain Newyork hotel for twenty nights to hold a series of lectures.
Once, Just few days before the lecture series, prof was informed that he had to pay 3 times the rent because demand was peaking in the city. And that news reached him, after tickets were sold.
Naturally, he didn’t want to pay the increased rent so he could have gone to hotel management and argued about it – “how could they do it now when tickets were sold”. Of course, hotel is not interested in what prof wanted. Hotel is interested in their own sales.
So, prof though about the situation and after couple of days, prof went to see hotel manager and told him that “I was shocked when I got your letter of rent increase”, At this point, hotel manager was coming up with his points in his mind to tackle the professor and getting defensive.
But professor surprised him by continuing this way. “But I don’t blame you at all, If I had been in your position, I would have probably done the same thing. Your duty as a hotel manager is to make all the profit possible. If you don’t do that then, probably, you will be fired. Now, let’s take a piece of paper and write down the advantages and disadvantages to hotel if you insist on rent increase”.
Then he took at letterhead and ran a line in the middle and gave one column as “Advantages” and other “Disadvantages”. He wrote down under Advantages: “If ballroom is free, You could rent it out to dances and conventions which means more money”.
Now, let’s consider disadvantages “First, you will wipe out the income from me because I can’t pay the increased rent. I would be forced to hold these lectures at some other place”. Second, These lectures attract crowd of educated and cultured people to your hotel. That is good advertising for you, isn’t it? In fact, if you spend 10 thousand dollars in advertising in newspaper, you couldn’t bring as many well educated people to look at your hotel as I can bring be these lectures. That is worth a lot to hotel, isn’t it?
As he wrote these two disadvantages, and handed the sheet to manager saying “I wish you would carefully consider both pros and cons that are going to accrue to you and then give me your final decision”.
Not surprisingly, Prof received a letter next day, informing that rent would be increased only by 25 percent rather than 300 percent.
Professor got his reduction without saying a word about what he wanted, he talked all the time about what the other person wanted and how he could get it.
Had he stormed into manger office, shouting “ridiculous, absurd”, “I won’t pay it”. Both parties would have lost good business opportunity.
To conclude, how to avoid an argument, just have PEACE.
P: Plan to communicate ahead of time. Set a time, just like professor did to meet the manager.
E: Earn respect by listening to each other’s point of view. Walk in their shoes, see through their eyes and get their perspective.
A: Agreements: Look for points where you do agree. Professor and Hotel Manager agreed that hotel has to make money. It builds trusts.
C: Control your temper. Anger is the biggest enemy of rational mind.
E: Emphasis on reconciliation. Come up with a solution which is amicable to both parties.
So, friends – “let’s all have PEACE and avoid the argument”.